Kopi Transactions

Photo taken at Rochor Centre


Table no. 14 – A Conversation in Hokkien

Tseng: One last time. One last time I swear on my testicles.

Lam: Oh penis, I’ve told you already, your credit’s not good.

Tseng: I have a good feeling this number will earn back all my losses. I swear on my testicles.

Lam: What number this time? I’m telling you, you’re only going to win the lottery in your next life. Think of all the terrible karma you’ve accumulated.

Tseng: 1-7-3-6. You don’t understand. I’m absolutely sure of this one now.

Lam: Fuck your mother’s smelly vagina. Last time was 8-8-8-8. Then when Lee Kuan Yew dropped dead on 23rd March, it was 2-3-0-3. Vagina! Did you make a fortune? Are you a millionaire now? Ah Tseng, I don’t normally say this to my customers but wake up, you are a father now. You’re out of work. Save your money.

Tseng: Don’t talk like my wive, she always cry father, cry mother till my ears bleed. The deity of hell can strike me with a lightning bolt if I’m wrong. I’m sure of it this time. All I need is $200, penis, what is $200 to you? Lend me on the count of our friendship. Lam, you’ve known me for how long?

Lam: Smelly vagina. I think I’ll be stuck with you even in my next life.


Table no. 12 – A Conversation in Tamil

Nabilan: The usual rate.

Subramiam: Come, come! Cheaper! This time there’re two of us, and it’s Thilag’s first time. Come on.

Nabilan: The cheapest I’ll go is $200 for both of you. An hour each, anything you want. She’s clean, there’s a doctor’s certificate for that. She’s my best, and it’s my word that you’ll both enjoy yourselves.

Thilag: That’s madness! I pay less that that for months of rent. Subramiam don’t listen to this cheater. I bet there’re cheaper girls out there.

Nabilan: You are an unfair one. I swear upon Lord Krishna, I never cheat. You want safe girl, you want Mumbai girl, you want cheap. $200 lowest and best, only for my trusted friends of the same creed. Take it or leave it.

Subramiam: Forgive Thilag, he is a hasty one. $200 is agreeable.

Nabilan: Ok good. Go put your groceries back at the dormitory, have a supper, she’ll meet you both at the corner of Rowell Road after ten. White scarf.


Stall #01-81 – A Conversation in Mandarin

Tho: You stupid bitch, tell you to man the stall and you go around fox-fucking the old men.

Ling: Boss you shut up, you still owe me three months’ worth. You keep saying you’ll pay me soon, pay me soon. Money where?

Tho: Your mouth sprouts dog shit. You know the alcohol law. Business is bad. I gave you face by not firing you and still gave you some allowance for the time being. Dead bitch, are you giving me face now?

Ling: Dog shit. What is $200 allowance for three months of sufferable work? You splurge on women and bets and you can’t pay your dog worker. Are you even a man?

Tho: How dare you? Don’t come to work tomorrow. I don’t want to see your fuck face – it nauseates me. When you lose your work pass and you can roll back to your motherfucking Hebei.

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