Armchair idealist

Oh we’ve seen your kind.

Yesterday you heard about Thomas Piketty, today you are a believer in socialist economics. Today, you read the wikipedia article on Adam Smith, tomorrow you’re a believer in capitalism. You champion the defiance of Asian Values and yet believe wholeheartedly in the Western liberal democratic model. When quizzed on this contradiction, you claim you’re a centrist and a believer in hybrid democratic systems – your ideal political system is a grand diarrhoea of political philosophies.

You are also a defender of the voice of civil society and the free press but you can’t name a single NGO in this country. You are a defender of human rights and believe Singapore should be liberated starting with the decriminalisation of the sale of chewing gum. You are a defender of woman rights but you’ve never heard of AWARE.

Oh yes, you have a strong and observed passion for the community and empowering the disadvantaged, the poor, the elderly, the prisoners, the depressed, the hungry cats. To prove your passions, you boast of your 500 hours of mandatory community involvement achieved in primary school (like every other fucking candidate out there), and the $2 you donate so generously to charity every 5 years, and the overseas 9 days community involvement project where you spent 3 days interacting with orphans and 6 days shopping in the main city, and the publicity campaign you did in school for some coloured ribbon project. Quizzed about more recent community work, you mention feeding the destitute, marginalised and disenfranchised stray cats of Singapore.

Indeed, you have also verily voraciously dedicated your entire life to supporting the political prisoners of the oppressive regime by liking all related facebook posts. You have even purchased one of their autographed books, now sitting on that shelf at home, dusty, festering and unread past the preface. What’s more, you are a strong believer in repealing the “repressive” Internal Security Act, the”repressive” Sedition Act, the”repressive” Newspaper & Printing Presses Act and”repressive” Section 388A, oh or was it 377A, oh never mind, it’s the fact that you believe in repealing something “repressive” that matters.

Oh and we know it doesn’t stop there. Of all the depth and range of your social concerns, you also zealously desire equal education opportunities for all. You want do away with PSLE, special funding for the top ranking schools but had bayed for blood when special funding for your school’s air-conditioning was threatened. Your most frequently used words are “social-mobility”, “empowerment”, “inclusiveness”. Acting in your strongly held belief, you give tuition to financially-disadvantaged kids in your free time for “a below market rate” of only $50 an hour.

And indeed, you truly empathise with the poverty of the middle class because, although your parents now own five landed properties and you live in one of them, you grew up in a tiny 5-room government flat in some run down, red light district like Bukit Timah and you were so poor you had to take the bus home from school instead of a taxi.

For the future, you want to pursue law, absolutely not because you’ll earn a fuck load of money but because you believe in the ability of the justice system to give a voice for the voiceless. If that fails, you’ll go into finance, because some how you know you can somehow use it somehow for some socially responsible endeavour of some sort. And if that fails too, you’ll simply adopt one of your dad’s business empires.

You dream that one day you will be a great leader in society, creating “sustained and powerful” change in the community, dedicating your existence to the great many social causes, living a life of utmost value, exuding rainbows and brightness in every step.

Let’s be honest here.

No, you’re not a change maker. No, you’re not going to empower the community. No, you’re not even going to be a useful member of society.

All your cherished ideas and beliefs were cherry-picked and dumped in your shopping basket. The entire construct of your oh-so unique identity is a hollow block of pre-fabricated legos.

You’re an armchair idealist, a political chameleon, a fucking self-absorbed quack.

You are just like me and you disgust me.

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