My phallic wife

At the turn of the millennium, the Singapore Armed Forces introduced the new SAR-21 assault rifle into combat service, replacing the long-serving M16 assault rifle.

Photo courtesy of SAR-21, like any other gun, is a venerable phallic symbol – exuding, on every inch of its ivory-smooth shaft, masculine virility and turgidity. The SAR-21 is a new generation of phallic symbols, breaking from the passé conservatism of the hitherto standard issue M16 assault rifle.

While the M16 was a voluptuous beauty of its time, it was tastelessly American-made, coarsely-maintained, required too much rubber, was prone to jamming, premature misfiring, flaccidity of firepower, far too long for the urban environment and far too serious. The SAR-21, on the other hand, is a crowning representative of the 21st century metrosexual male – although unfortunately shorter, it is considerably more fun, ergonomic, fashionable and most importantly, locally-made. Dressed in haute couture composite polymers and libidinous high-street optical scopes and lasers, it is the envy of both the masculine and feminine world alike, and definitely a salacious sight for the eye.

In spite of its inhibitions to left-handers, the foreskin-like charging handle is handy and tight. Its compact reliability in the heat of action and through cycles of loaded magazines, is a sensual experience on its own.

The orgasm of its crushed trigger cannot be rivalled by any other.

On the topic of SAR-21s and phallic symbols, it is intriguing that I once had a platoon-mate who never had a chance to fire the SAR-21 due to medical circumstances. The irony of fate however, would have it that he was duty-bound to maintain and handle these primed and prodigious phalluses as an armskote assistant. It is as if one is constantly tied and gagged up in a forced state of perennial arousal but yet eternally denied of sexual release.

In another unfortunate case, I have also another platoon-mate who, as a result of his less-than-capable rifle cocking abilities, always suffered from a jammed member each time he tried to ejaculate rounds. It is remarked that he wouldn’t last very long in the heat of action.

On a random side-note, it is a stimulating thought that ascribing the feminine role of “wife” to an undeniably phallic symbol of erect masculinity reveals an interesting manifestation of shifting gender roles and the erosion of the so-called “traditional family unit” in our modern-day society.

Perhaps our generals should all come out of the closet.

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